Great Sex At Profound Levels

Sex. A powerful three letter word that throws us all into a dance, and a you may not know what is to be expected. Good sex? Boring sex? No sex at all, or only experiencing a sexual release with no connection? Where has intimacy gone? How do we feel comfortable enough to "let loose," and have mind blowing, soul connecting, emotionally intimate sexual experience, you ask? The answer is simpler than you might think.

Did you know, Intimacy is clearly a predictor of both psychological and physiological well-being. Although most of us think of intimacy in sexual terms, intimacy is not based on sexual performance. Sexual expression will not sustain a relationship devoid of emotional intimacy.

So, what exactly is intimacy? In 1986 Wynne and Wynne defined intimacy as, "A relational event in which trusting self- disclosure is responded to with their communicated empathy." In simpler terms, a partner must take risks of disclosing emotions with a significant other in order to reach a higher level of intimacy. This involves risk, and as humans, we naturally reject uncertain risk. The risk of not having our level of intimacy met, may instill fear in us initially, but we truly only know someone by the nature of their emotional experience.

For many of us, however, our need for time for ourselves is greater than our need for closeness. Intimacy thrives on togetherness, as well as separateness. Together with emotional intimacy, sexual desire requires some separateness, some polarity, across which some sexual tension can occur. In 1959, Erik Erikson said that, "an individual is available for an intimate relationship only after he or she achieved a core sense of identity." Thus, "knowing thyself" may be the first step in attaining a deep level of emotional intimacy, in a loving relationship. A high level of "separateness" is a requirement, for intimacy, as a relationship develops in importance and longevity.

In order to build emotional intimacy, you must first focus on loving who you are. That is, your strengths, your values, and your character; assuring yourself to not expect it externally from your partner. Becoming more aware of your own emotional needs and getting them met both in and out of your relationship because they cannot meet all of your needs.

Second, using your voice, and asking clearly what you are requesting from your partner. The importance of sharing your unmet needs with your partner, and then suggesting ways they may be met.

Following this, assure you are being open and honest about your fears of losing yourself as you try to accommodate your partner's needs. In order to building a deep, trusting relationship, you must also listen actively, with good eye contact while giving your partner your full attention. Taking power back in each situation, and enjoying being present in bed while love making, thus, enjoying the caress of each other's touch, and staying in the moment. Being vulnerable andbreaking down those walls when fear strikes back is imperative to let your partner in.

Finally, be authentic. Practice being sincere and honest in expressing your love and caring for your partner each time. This will build not only a strong foundation for your relationship, but it will allow you to thrive into new levels to become more emotionally connected to attain more passionate sex.

Partners need to negotiate for closeness, moving back and forth, balancing between closeness and distance, separateness and togetherness, engagement and disengagement, and embrace the dance of building emotional intimacy and risk with rhythm and flair. Kahlil Gibran said it best in his book, The Prophet, "Let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of life can contain your hearts."

Emotional Intimacy can be a remarkable experience. In our closest times with our partner, we may experience ourselves in a new, different and profound way. To know oneself fully and freely in the presence of another can be a joyful experience...a soul-felt, mind blowing experience for those wanting to go one step further in connection with another.